Happy Grandparent’s Day! (October 6)
In celebration of all our wonderful CLAPA grandparents we spoke to Audrey and Dave about their cleft journey with granddaughter Rebecca.
“We absolutely love her. When she was born ‘special’ wasn’t a good enough word for her – we totally idolised her,”
“We absolutely love her. When she was born ‘special’ wasn’t a good enough word for her – we totally idolised her,” smiled Audrey, in her Birmingham home surrounded by photos of Rebecca, and her younger brother Elliott.
Thirteen-year-old Rebecca was born with a bilateral cleft lip and palate. Audrey’s mum had also had a cleft palate, which helped Audrey and Dave assist their son and daughter-in-law after Rebecca’s birth.
Audrey said: “It can be very difficult at first for somebody who doesn’t know about cleft. Feeding Rebecca was totally different and our daughter-in-law was really upset she couldn’t breast feed. Rebecca’s cleft was quite severe but CLAPA, with their information, support, and feeding bottles, were a godsend.”
Dave looked after Rebecca as a baby when her parents were working.
Audrey laughed: “She’s granddad’s little girl, I couldn’t get a look in at first! Dave sat with her for hours, just cradling her in his arms. They bonded so well. She’s absolutely marvellous, we’ve enjoyed every bit of her.”
Audrey’s mum Edna was born with a cleft palate in 1920, and lived with the condition for her 99 years.
Rebecca’s homework about her Granny Edna
“They didn’t do operations with babies like they do now,” explained Audrey. “When she was 30 they offered mum an operation but my dad said ‘no, we’ve got used to the way you talk, don’t do it’.
“I wish I’d been around then to encourage them as my mum said, in hindsight, she wished she’d gone ahead because she had a lot of problems with dentures as she got older and her gums started receding.”
In contrast, Edna’s great granddaughter Rebecca had surgeries to repair her cleft lip and palate at three and nine months, and has had ongoing minor procedures. Her granddad Dave said she’s never frightened and enjoys going into hospital.
“She’s a hospital freak – she loves it!” he laughed. “She’s looking it all up, every detail, and telling us all about it, she’s well into it. There’s us worrying ourselves to death and she’s looking forward to it!”
Although cleft-related hearing problems make singing more challenging for Rebecca, her family have always encouraged her to sing and dance at home, and she’s just secured a part in her local pantomime this year.
She’s also now an active member of CLAPA’s Children and Young People’s Council and attends Camp CLAPA weekends.
Audrey said Rebecca was nervous about her first Camp CLAPA and they reassured her they would pick her up early if she didn’t settle.
“But we never heard a peep from her all weekend. When we picked her up at the end she was so happy. She’d not seen any other children with cleft before and she realised then she wasn’t on her own. Meeting other children on the cleft journey was a big breakthrough for her.
“But we never heard a peep from her all weekend. When we picked her up at the end she was so happy. She’d not seen any other children with cleft before and she realised then she wasn’t on her own. Meeting other children on the cleft journey was a big breakthrough for her.
“She’d had problems with bullying in her first year at senior school, but when she went to the residential other children said they’d been bullied too, and told her how you deal with it.”
As part of the Children and Young People’s Council Rebecca regularly attends meetings in London, and is an active member of the Youth WhatsApp group.
She’s also progressing well at school, is top of the class in English and History, and wants to become a teacher.
Dave laughed: “She’ll come in from school and start doing ‘schooling with nanny’ – nanny’s the pupil, she’s the teacher. The other day she was teaching us fractions – and the way she does it to the way we were taught, many years ago is totally different! Although we still get the same answer!”
Dave and Audrey are also active members of our CLAPA community. At CLAPA’s Coffee Club for Grandparents they’ve helped soothed fears of grandparents-to-be starting their own cleft journeys.
Audrey said: “Dave showed one lady, who was worried about what was coming, photos of Rebecca on his phone – and said ‘look, this is how my granddaughter was when she was born and this is how she is now’.”
Dave added: “I said whatever happens, if you’ve got any questions, CLAPA’s there and they’ll tell you, you’ve got nothing to worry about. They’ll put you on the right tracks, which is what you need. We went through all the website articles before and after Rebecca was born and the feeding bottle service was fantastic.
“You’ve got to look past the cleft, the cleft can be put right with surgery. You’ve got to look past that, to who the child is, and accept them with open arms. Rebecca is our first grandchild and we idolise everything about her.”
“You’ve got to look past the cleft, the cleft can be put right with surgery. You’ve got to look past that, to who the child is, and accept them with open arms. Rebecca is our first grandchild and we idolise everything about her.
The couple also regularly fundraise for us. At Rebecca’s suggestion, avid knitter Audrey is now knitting children’s cardigans, which they regularly sell at car boot sales and have so far raised hundreds of pounds.
“CLAPA is such a marvellous organisation and we want to help as much as we can. Everyone is so friendly and helpful, they’ve made our family’s cleft journey with Rebecca so much easier – and fun.”
Thank you Audrey and Dave
Thank you to Audrey and Dave for sharing their story with us.
